The Baby Blue Eyes That Changed Me

Poem By Patricia Ireland

I was in a hospital bed, vibrating, useless and alone,

my alarm was great, for now, I had two young lives in the balance,

One in my belly and one at home with his daddy,

My toddler, I had never left a day, since he was born, until now.

A clot, they said, requiring constant monitor,

Medication and bedrest… my world was crumbling;

My young mind struggling for answers; I was in a tug of war,

with all of our lives at stake.

Two weeks was all I could bear of the solitude,

away from my family. With rattled nerves,

I couldn’t shake in such a sterile, cold place.

I wept long and hard, for days, with no one to console me.

After much begging and pleading, I went home.

With strict orders of bed rest, and only a few days of home care,

After which I was to continue on my own, two needles a day.

I had played darts before, but never with myself, as the target.

Two months and two weeks, my boy came.

Emotion overflowed to no end,

He was safe, he was handsome,

and those cute baby blue eyes stole our hearts.

A few days later he began to scream,

a relentless, blood-curdling shrill, any parent would know:

An unmistakable mountain of pain,

from one so helpless…. We needed answers.

In the cold, weary depths of Emerge

My husband and I wait …and weight… and wait.

For two hours our baby’s face was beet red, he choked, and he screamed.

We sang, we soothed, but nothing helped.

Finally, he can be seen,

We were exhausted and strained,

A hernia, the doctor said, but he was too young for surgery.

So for two and a half months, we would have to wait.

But day after day, out it would pop

We’d massage his agony, and soothe our troubled boy.

His brother was his favorite distraction, but joy and laughter was brief,

For again, more pain would come.

Our pain-stricken boy barely slept

But three hours at a time

Exhaustion and helplessness consumed

Us all; two and a half months was an eternity.

At last, it was time,

But very quickly our ray of light faded to grey.

My heart bled, as I handed him over to the nurse.

Not knowing if I’d see him again.

My husband, my rock, and I

Flopped together like two rag dolls, in the waiting room.

We felt like we each had a noose around our throats,

Keeping us from breathing.

Our minds were consumed with the worst.

We paced the halls and stared blankly at the walls,

Lost and helpless….

Two hours later they called our names.

My baby still was not awake,

At the mere sight of him, my flood gates broke.

I held his hand and felt his warmth,

And prayed for those little baby blue eyes to look at mommy again.

The silence was deafening in recovery.

Another mother at her child’s bed, beside me, was sharing my pain

We looked at one another, and the silence was clear,

We both shared but one solitary wish.

His baby blue eyes fluttered open, as he twitched.

…And there he was

The brightest smile I had ever seen, as he saw my face. I burst;

I took him in my arms, and held him close, kissing his beautiful, soft forehead.

The storm was over!

I had never seen a happier baby

He laughed, and cooed all day; you couldn’t tear his eyes off of his brother.

Life was normal again.

It was still hard to shake my nightmares,

Each morning I waited for those baby blues eyes to open.

And there he was …

That big bright smile each morning, quickly made the fear fade away again.

Christmas was fast approaching, only one more week.

We decorated, we sang and we shopped,

Me and my three boys, daddy being the biggest boy of them all.

Life was incredible!

Two weeks to the day since his surgery.

I waited for those baby blues eyes to open.

My nightmare —became a reality —

And I never saw those baby blue eyes again.

The only reason given was S.I.D.S

~~~~~~

Everyone comes into our lives for a reason a season and a lifetime.

Though my son's life was brief he made a profound impact on my life.

It is very clear that he was here for a reason.

21 years ago my baby boy taught me how to love myself, and others deeply, and how to be an inspiration, I want to leave my loving mark on the world when it is my time to go.

My son did that in 3 short months!

My wish is that you don't waste too much of your time learning how to leave your mark on this world. Our relationships with ourselves and others are all we leave behind so make sure they are loving, respectful, kind, and inspire others to be great.